At the core of heartache is pain. From pain arises fear, sadness, anger, hopelessness, unworthiness, and feeling powerless to change any of it. When we feel the pain and hurt, we want to prevent any further suffering at all cost... knowingly or unknowingly, we do this.

Most of us are not taught to process our pain, it simply lodges deep within our hearts and remains there until we acknowledge it and try our best to understand it. We look for ways to separate ourselves from the pain by avoidance, keeping busy, burying it or withdrawing from anything that remotely feels and looks like the trauma of our past. Re-experiencing the pain is unacceptable, so we guard our hearts fiercely to protect it instead. 

We tell ourselves so many stories about why we are guarding our hearts, and eventually they become our belief systems. Those stories are a way to protect us from further hurt and pain, the stories of “I’m unlovable because he didn’t love me”, “I was denied affection, so I don’t deserve to be loved”, “I wasn’t understood, so I mustn’t express myself”, “I don’t feel seen and heard, the rejection is too much, so I won’t show my true self again”.

When we guard our heart and tell ourselves these stories, we close ourselves off from the abundance of love and what it’s truly like to feel accepted, nurtured, cared for, and the comfort of a deep and meaningful relationship. 

Majority of the time we don’t set out to intentionally do this to ourselves. It’s the constant reminders from our negative thoughts around these issues that end up finding there way into our subconscious mind, which in turns sets up new belief systems. 

Why would we unconsciously close ourselves off to the beauty of love and who we truly are?

It is because opening up through the pain is awful, its heart breaking. We feel anxious, emotional, powerless, worthless and irritable. Feelings not many of us want to experience, hence why most people would rather avoid this kind of suffering by burying, avoiding, keeping busy and withdrawing from looking at why and how it came to be. 

It’s fucking scary as hell!! And it takes courage, bravery, persistence and a desire to want to know the truth of who you really are underneath all the heart ache and pain. No one want to feel pain, there is no joy in that, and no comfort. We seek comfort when we are in pain. We don’t want to feel more of it. Yet pain can be a gateway to healing the heart and the wounds we carry around with us.

To heal it we need to feel it. 

To go through the full force of pain and to experience the darker side of heartache, can be an immensely powerful and a beautiful force of spiritual and personal expansion. To come out the other side of suffering with more clarity of who you are, will inevitably bring more peace to the mind and soul, allowing ourselves to come back into wholeness.

As a child we often felt pain, it’s unavoidable… but rarely were we given the tools and resources to understand and move through the pain. So, how can we be expected to move through it in adult life? Our belief systems have been set up to ‘deal with it’ and ‘get over it’. So healing from pain and heartache is not something we really know how to do… and in the end, we let pain define us, define our value, define our worth and define our place in the world.

How do we understand and move through the pain and heartache?

We take a gigantic leap of faith into the unknown!! AND TRUST!!

Pain and heartache is an experience that cannot diminish who we are. It cannot trump what is deeply beautiful and unique about who we are as individuals! It’s an experience and like any experience, we get to choose how we respond. We have the power to heal and we have the power to stay in our comfort zones too. 

                                         “Through connection and empowerment, I heal, I am free and I shine!”

Ultimately, we are free to surrender and ride the waves of the unknown and welcome in the new or continue to guard the heart and repeat the same patterns over and over again, until it becomes to much to contain and we are forced to crack open… or worse still, live a life of misery.

                           "You are a being of immense power. Your heart is strong. You soul is fierce. You are safe!!"

💖 Much love, Samantha